The Sess

I'm not going to give any torrid, intimate details or anything, but proceed at your own discretion.

I'm loving sex. It's fun. I always hoped I would, and now I know. Hooray! There was pain (yipes) and awkwardness (yeesh), but because it was him, I didn't mind. We worked through it.

We are practicing Mormons, which means we didn't have sex until after we were married. And that also means I didn't have sex until I was 31. That's a loooooong freakin' time to wait, people. There were a whole lot of moments where I questioned whether waiting was worth it. I did on some level expect to be alone forever, and a lifetime of sexlessness sounded like hell. It was a constant quandry that lead to frustration. I dealt with the frustration in both healthy and not healthy ways.

Now, let's be clear, a person's choices when it comes to intimacy are private. And I don't think that abstinence works for everyone. It was a struggle for me. So to those of you who have made other choices, good for you! My pre-married self is very jealous. This was simply what I chose, without reference to anyone else's choices.

Turns out, I'm glad I waited. It ended up being worth it, which is awesome because if I waited all that time for something lackluster, I'd be upset. I wish I could go back and tell my 20s self that. First, I'm grateful for the time I got to exist in a sexless world, especially when I was younger and more unsure of who I was. I think it allowed me time to consider who I am without reference to pleasing a man. Second, I was allowed to move at the pace I was ready for. I did what I was ready for as I was ready. I did my fair share of making out and exploring my sexuality, but I was able to do it without the pressure of disease or pregnancy. Third, I could not have anticipated how I would feel about The Mister. He is my home. And my poetry brain loves the symbolism that my one and only really is my one and only. We are one.

Huzzah for The Sess!