Monday, December 3, 2012

Ch-Ch-Changes

My school is about to go through an overhaul.  We were just made a Title I school which means there will be lots of changes at my job. And because no one was/is sure what those changes will look like, there was starting to be an environment of fear and rumor hanging around.  It was really getting to me.

But this weekend I worked through some of the toxicity.  I realized that fear can only stick around if you're afraid it might be true.  I was afraid people would come in and start proclaiming that I wasn't good enough.  I was afraid my best would be deemed sub par.  I found that lie and forced it out.  I have felt increasingly better ever since.

That culminated in today when I called two girls in the hall with me.  They had done NaNoWriMo and really put their hearts and souls into it.  Despite that, they hadn't quite made their word count goals.  (I think they set their goals too high and refused to back down - my kind of girls). I proceeded to tell them that I could see how hard they had worked and they would both be getting full credit.  The relief on their faces was visible and one said, "You have no idea how hard I've been working."  The other made a sign for me that said "Best Language Arts Teacher Ever."  It is thumb tacked to my wall.

I have become somewhat jaded and felt frequently on the edge of burn out.  I have seen many reforms come and go, and I'm only 1/3 through my career.  But then, in a moment like that I think, no matter the changes that come through my district, I just have to keep caring about the kids. I have to keep seeing them as they come to me.  Individuals. Because THAT is what really matters.

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