My job hasn't been so fun lately. Most of the reasons why are not safe to post to the internet. Suffice it to say, I don't agree with some of the people and decisions that are happening above me.
I have been at my school for 10 years. (That's crazy to say. I've had a career for 10 years. Seems like college ended mere days ago.) And I have taught at the same school, with the same principal for 10 years. I probably struck my overdue date awhile ago. And I've been boldly declaring to all kinds of people, "If X happens, I'm leaving. If X doesn't happen, I'll stay." Well guess what? X happened. Did I really mean what I so boldly declared?
So here are the questions: do I switch to another school in the district? Because switching schools actually means reestablishing a reputation somewhere else, new procedures, and leaving behind my best-teacher friend in crime, Michelle. You might say I'd find teacher friends elsewhere, but people: she's the whole package. She's a step mom, mom, and teacher. She gets everything about which I go crazy. I might die without her. And I can't leave her to fight the school battles in which we're engaged without me, can I? And I can't fight my internal battles without her, can I?
Or I could try to get a position in the district closer to where I live. But that means a significant pay cut, possible loss of say about decisions, years of seniority, and an entirely new district to get used to. But, I could get my travel time on the bus back and be closer to my family in case of an emergency.
Or I stay. And I fight the fights and figure out how not to take it all home and make My Mister's life miserable just because my work is so frustrating I want to spit.
No one can answer this one for me. All I can do is ponder and pray and gather what information is at my finger tips and take a shot in the dark. Because no matter which way I go, I don't know what comes next. And I don't know how to make this decision.
No, no one can answer this for you, but I can answer one question, "And I can't leave her to fight . . . and I can't fight without her?"
ReplyDeleteAnd the answer to both is, of course you can. (That KILLS me to say, btw, because I love love love teaching with you). However, you can, because a. you are one tough cookie all on your own. You are the real deal. b. Even if we don't work in the same building I will always always have your back and be a sounding board for those internal struggles.
I seriously couldn't have gotten this far in the year with this much sanity (you know, the scrap of it that I have left) without you. I learn from you and with you and love you very very much, but don't factor me into your difficult decision. Do what's best for you. Do what's best for your family. You'll figure it out.
I have been thinking about you all day... Or has it been two days since you posted?! I don't remember :) At any rate, been thinking about you and thus very tough decision. I cannot fully empathize with you, only slightly. I can say that when I decided to leave a position that I knew would never improve because of "the boss" I felt so much better--even though I had no other job to turn to. That didn't come around for seven more months, but I had to do what was right for me. And, those who knew me best supported me in the decision I made--even though some didn't agree with me (namely, my dad :) --and I'm still close to them today. Its scary to fly out into the unknown! Regardless of what you decide, I know you'll make the right one!
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