This is a problem for many reasons.
1. Equality as defined by "equal things for people" isn't real; life simply doesn't work that way. We discuss this as teachers all the time. Being fair doesn't mean all students get the exact same stuff. It means different students with different needs get what they need to recieve a fair education. Shouldn't this apply in marriage too? He's been tired when he's come home the last two days. Shouldn't I be able to pick up the slack? Certainly. Especially as about a month ago, I was the one who wanted to be in bed by 8 at night. Did I pick up the slack? Yes. Did I do it without complaining? No. Because I'm a baby.
2. It's a double standard. In one breath, I say everything should be fair. I shouldn't have to always do his dishes or pick up his laundry or whatever. But if it comes to something where he goes above and beyond for me, I think that's part of his duty. He has spoiled me like no man ever could, and now I am beginning to expect him to. He should do X thing for me, but I shouldn't have to for him. That's just mean. Shouldn't we both always be willing to do extra for the other?
3. I think it's a way I slip in little power battles with him. "I don't like when you do that. Please do this." It's sort of a way for me to remain in control (because you know how I like control). And as long as I'm trying to exert power over the person who should be my partner: that's destructive.
Somewhere in this is a fear that if I do too much, I'll give too much, and end up empty and taken advantage of. I am still on some level holding my arms in front of my face making sure I'm safe. He's got much more of my defenselessness than any other human. Still, there's more room to let go and become more flexible and fluid.
No comments:
Post a Comment