Yesterday there was some drama with the ex. We work really hard to maintain a good relationship with her, but every once in a while when she's having a bad day, the mister gets the brunt of it. And then I get the brunt of it. I really don't like when this happens. She seems to have the power to ruin a whole evening.
In these moments, one of my first reactions is escape. I just want to get away, or I daydream about my life before. I tell myself that I should move away to Paris. I wonder (again) whether I was stupid to sign up for this life. You only live once, right? Life should be more fun than this feels.
These are all excuses, of course. Life wouldn't be better somewhere else. I am blessed with work. I am blessed in my husband and kids. There are ways to create space and freedom without running away. Learning to take back my power in the face of someone who I've given it to continues to be my present life's lesson. This is how I get stronger. I should think of it as emotional and spiritual weight training.