January: I hate January. It's a cold, terrible, long month. And in this one, I said goodbye to a friend. I didn't realize it would be a forever goodbye, but that's exactly what it turned out to be. It left me understatedly sad, but in hindsight I realize it also left room for something new to take its place. Enter: The Mr. going though a divorce. I keep my distance, but wish him well.
February: I went on a date for Valentines day with a guy from school. It was lackluster - as so many of our outings were. More proof I'll be alone forever. On February 26, the Mr. and I go out for the first time. A facebook typo gives him the opening he's looking for. We go to Indian Food, Barnes and Noble, and talk until midnight. By the end of the night, I know I need to see him again.
March: It's clear he's different than any guy I've ever dated, and we do seem to be dating. But my head is buzzing with the very clear knowledge that he is newly divorced and has 3 kids. This is textbook red flags, and this couldn't possibly work. I need to keep my head on straight, but my heart is saying I've found something important here and I need to keep moving forward.
April-June: We meet each other's families. I meet his girls. We have lots and lots and lots of important conversations about old drama and new expectations and what the future could look like. It's clear what he wants; I'm slowly making up my mind. I flip constantly between fear and hope. My ego screams at me, "Danger! Loss and heartbreak ahead! Too much change!" My soul quietly repeats, "This is what you've prepared for. All that's required is one step at a time." He patiently steadies me as I talk to him about all of it.
I'm rising up to this Love thing. I discover that he is the best man I've ever met. I know full well his mistakes and imperfections, but he never stops loving or trying. He listens without defensiveness when I talk to him about concerns. I'm impressed by who he is and who he is intent on becoming. And, he SEES me. I have no words to describe that. You don't let a man like that go.
I experience more "family" than I have since I was 18. I lose a lot of my former alone time. The restructuring of singles wards leaves my ward non-existent and it feels like leaving home. I start going to The Mr.'s family ward. It's strange to feel the constant grief of leaving the old behind and the consistent creation of a new life with this man.
July: I need to get away. To think. The perfect opportunity comes in a road trip with friends from college. We travel to all of the LDS temples in Nevada and California and have many adventures. I get lots of time to think and feel. I realize that I never want to be without him again. Unknown to me, he spends the time buying a ring and talking to my family asking them if he can marry me. July 17: I return from my trip. He's at my house within 15 minutes. Within another 15, he's asked me. I say yes.
August: We start the process to get everything in order for a temple wedding. We set a date of October 20th. I get strep throat for the first time in my life. I think it's because I'm so stressed.
September-November: We get word that the process to get married in the temple (due to his former sealing) will take longer than we thought and we call off October 20th. We're sad. We decide to wait. I feel caught in constant limbo - always waiting, but never there. It's difficult, and I doubt whether waiting is worth it. But it gives us extra time to be sure of our choice and why we're doing this. It also gives me to time to decide I want a very simple wedding with as little fluff as possible. I get a pretty dress.
November: We get our clearance letter! I feel it's a result of faith and fasting and I've never been so sure that Heavenly Father sees me. I feel joy. Within a week of receiving our letter, we pick a date, temple, and restaurant. Announcements are sent. December 16th is the day.
December: The reality begins to set in. It's really here as I'm getting final details taken care of. I move through some more fear. I get to the other side. December 16th: We're married in the Draper temple. I've never felt so much peace or light. I feel loved. I experience the most weightlessness that I have had since we started dating. I'm sure.
2011 was good to me. I married my partner after much thought and contemplation. I practiced faith is a way that I never have before. I learned more about family and love, and I recognize this as just the beginning. In a family, there are many more unknowns - much more I can't control and that's scary sometimes. But you get more help and support. And I got a best friend - the companion I'd hoped for my whole life and I feel our path together was carefully guided. What could be better?
Here's to an unknown 2012! May our faith and love carry us through whatever comes.
I am far from worried about you in this 20s and 30s and even 40s stage of life, where we watch our good friends get married. I'm worried about a lot of us, but not you. You are most aware of the deep personal costs associated with being yoked this way, and you monitor the realities of it, and their potential impact on you, really carefully. It's a good example, and furthermore, it's good to see that in a cost-benefit analysis as thorough as yours, that there was no question what the best bet was. :) I'm thrilled for you. I am personally taking hope from this.
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