Friday nights I'm always tired. Teaching typically leaves me drained by Fridays. So I would spend my Friday night alone watching a movie or I would hangout with a good friend just chilling.
On Saturday morning, I would get up by 7:30 am and go to my Forrest Yoga class in Sugar House. Then I would spend my morning cleaning or napping or listening to music. Maybe I'd go shopping and make some food for the week. For the afternoon, I would take myself to a movie or go shopping with a girlfriend or, on particularly eventful weekends, I'd prepare to go on a date or to a party.
On Sundays, I spent practically all of my single years going to church at 1pm. So I would spend my mornings listening to classical musical, reading quality stuff, and relaxing on my couch in the sunlight. I would go to church/hangout with my friends for three hours. Then I would go home and eat dinner or go to a friend's for dinner.
My weekends were my time to recharge for another week at work. I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I often spent entire weekends completely alone; I wouldn't see a soul. Often this was bliss. Periodically, it was incredibly lonely.
What my weekends are like now.
We have the girls almost every weekend. We think it's better for them to be able to stay with their mom and have a consistent school schedule during the week. Plus, it gives The Mr. time to go to school during the week too. So on Friday nights, I take the bus out to his parents house to meet him and the girls. My condo (which has been on the market since AUGUST with very few showings) is simply not big enough for all of us. I bought it for one person - not five. So I rush out of work to catch the bus out to his parents. We spend Friday night helping the girls do their homework, making dinner, and hanging out. Since it's been a couple days since they've seen us, there's lots of, "Dad, Look! Dad, Listen! Dad, she's bugging me!" We have to get their beds ready and get them to bed. By Friday nights, I'm usually really tired.
Saturday, I like to get up to run. It's usually the only alone time I get all weekend. Saturday is full of making sure the girls eat three meals, errands, and something fun together. This might be a Wii game, bowling, or the like. Saturday nights are usually a movie or game together. Oh, when we remember we try to have the girls shower on Saturday nights too. This sounds easier than it is.
Sunday mornings are getting myself ready for church while somehow also getting them ready for church. After church, we try to make a meal so his parents know we're not trying to mooch. So we are cooking meals for 9 people, which is a fun/daunting opportunity for me because if I make gross food, nine people suffer the consequences. Sunday nights we're cleaning up our stuff and their stuff from the weekend trying not to leave the house in a mess. (On top of it all, we're getting a dog this week. That's for another post.)
Sigh. It's on the weekends when I'm most aware of my instafamily questions. What part of all this is mine and which is his? Am I giving up too much or is this all just an opportunity to grow through sacrifice? How do I take care of myself and give myself what I need while also being a loving wife and conscientous, boundry-aware step mom? How do I learn to let go of needing control and people-pleasing? How the hell did I get here?
My life before was simpler, I admit. But I didn't get to wake up next to him, and I didn't have all this love around me. The girls bring joy. I love them - I'm just not always sure where my place is with them. And he and I are still learning what we want. We are actually trying some new tweaking to our weekend schedule this next weekend to see if it works better.
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