Thoughts on exercise and body image in a post-married world.

I listened to a woman talk a couple years ago. She and her husband had adopted a lot of special needs kids. I want to say she had 8 or 9. And I remember that both she and her husband made it a point to exercise. He would swim every morning and she did too. She said, "I have to stay energetic and healthy to live this life and do what I need to do." That has stayed in my brain, percolating.

My road to a healthy body image has been a struggle, like most women's. I was a plump kid, and it took me until adulthood to find and love exercise. I started running in 2003 and I have since run 4 marathons. Learning that my body was strong and capable is amazing. But I never did get super skinny. I became more fit, but not "skinny" and I still thought that men wouldn't want me because of my body.

2010 was my last marathon. Shortly after that I started having pain in my neck and the chiropractor told me to take a break from running. Frankly, I was grateful. I was a bit burned out on running and didn't mind taking a break. and then I started dating the Mr. The Mr. has flipped all I thought I knew about my body on its head. I have never been more sure that a man desired me. All of me - even my wubbly parts. Suddenly, a large portion of my motivation for exercise and self-care was morphing. This man loved me and desired me without hesitation or request for change. My need to be skinner so I could get a man disappeared. I wanted to revel in that feeling: I am enough exactly as I am.

But now, as they say, the honeymoon is over. And I do like exercise and eating well simply because I feel better, like myself more, and have more energy. I can keep up on the busy weekends and frankly, my sex drive is better when I exercise. Everybody wins!

So I'm starting to run again. It's slow going; I'm certainly not where I was in 2010. But I feel surer of myself and my motivations for health are more from self-love than self-judgement. I love this life.